I Wish

So yesterday I got the opportunity to attend my first time TEDx, and it was a really nice chance for me to learn more ideas about this year's theme, Haphazard, by watching the speakers talked about diverse things. I learn about the uncertainty in life, in many different ways, by the future journalism, by capturing the moments in photography and films, by finding our so-called soul mate and how "love is just a spice" theory, and also by naiveness--is that even a word? but being naive means you're being brave enough to change something, to conquer your fear of change (at least, that is how I interpret the Talk)
I might write more about the event later in another--more serious--post.

Today I want to pour out my cluttered mind, once again (and maybe more in the future), to prevent myself and my mind to explode.
I wish that I just got out from this kind of responsibility, I knew I took it from the very first but now I just seems to lost the hype.. you know? It's one of my job, but to work my ass of for this managerial thing is sometimes more tiring than fun, so sorry to say but it is not worthy. And one thing I can learn about any relationship is, even the professional ones, that it's going to get rough and a there must be effort for sure, but when the amount of happiness is lower than the not-happy-ones.. sometimes you have to fix it, but at any point that you feel like you cannot push yourself to fix it again, just leave. And I am the one who pushed myself to stay this far, to make it work.. people see that I can handle it all, and of course I can, I know it. But now I am tired, it is not a mutualism relationship, and I tried my best, and I just don't want to try harder this time. Maybe it is the time to quit? Looking for the best apprentice so there will be someone to help me off this burden.

And I wish that I can read the novels quietly, without any distractions. The fun I enjoy by reading my current book, Supernova's last book-- Inteligensi Embun Pagi, which I did not have the time to read since the busy college life took over. I love the series so much, and I really want to read all the books from the series again but it will take soooo maanyy houursss.

Then I just realised that 2016 is.. big? Many things happened, the most recent one is Brexit. I did not expect that, I thought that they would choose the 'Remain . Maybe The UK just cannot handle it anymore?
And also the American Presidential Race is on and firing more and more each day, I just cannot wait to see which ones from the two candidates will win. And what will happen next is just a mystery.

Tomorrow, I have a lot of things to do. I got to move out from my apartment since the rent is over and I feel very sad. I am happy that I found a--maybe-- better place with cheaper price with the same facility, but realising on how fast the time has gone.. I am scared as well. Room is not just a room for me, it is a sanctuary, a place where I can lost my mind caused by the loneliness but also the place to discuss, to work, and many other things. I have the love-hate relationship with my room, was my room, because that room is a bit of myself. I always found myself in my own room.

Bye-bye and cheers,
Deb