mid-year crisis?

so.. so much is going on with life nowadays. even tho it's already on the holiday mode, and the academic life is supposed to be turned off.. there are still bunch things and responsibilities to do, that sometimes.. just sometimes, the urge to escape is.. there

let's say that first, i am grateful for my parents for letting me go to australia in december to watch a lifetime concert (yes i'm talking about coldplay) let me use this permission as my main motivation for the next six months..
then i am also grateful that my dad just turned 48 years old on tuesday.. there are times when i feel that i am still that little girl from the photograph, knows nothing about the world, and suddenly realised that now i am 18 years old, on my way to the 'real adult life', beginning to handle a lot of more responsibilities.. knowing how to function well in society, and i have this deep concern that i cannot ..function well?
next thing to be grateful of is that i am accepted to be one of the tedxjakarta attendees.. yay! submit my answers on the last day of application and i actually think they're kinda rubbish but well, here i come :)


then i look upon my old posts..before 2016 even begin, and how time flies like quicksilver (im bad at creating intentional jokes).. seeing that the my own self from the past has set a high standard on how will i improve on this year. one thing to be sure, is that i give in to any opportunity the universe has gave me.. but now i may want to evaluate things, that i should take care of myself more and see beyond the impulsiveness and really think about the pro and cons before making a decision

so about today, today was.. okay, i tried to describe it by pouring out everything this memory still retains
first early in the morning, i went to the hospital to accompany my mom (she suddenly got sick last night and we went to the emergency right away, she is still there while i went home at around 2 am) while accompanying her, i read a lot of articles from flipboard (usual) and listening to her health problems and what the doctor said (so.. this is one of the things that i said before, about 'well-functioning human in society.. can i be helpful or useful enough as a daughter, worrying that i may fail..?)
around 1pm, my dad came back to the hospital and because i have appointment with tasya at pasar santa since last week, so i said goodbye and wished her a get well soon. then.. i conquer my fear, like, i have never ever use waze app in my life to the places i have never been before, alone, driving my mom's car.. i don't trust my hippocampus very much tbh lol.. so the waze app gave me directions to the very very very SEMPIT STREETS around haji nawi and i had a panic attack like there were so many cars and motorcycles..wanted to get out from that mini streets omg i hate waze.
so there were few times... i had the panic attack, like, i was alone, i can't call someone to help..and i don't even know what to do.. agh, driving sucks sometimes
i managed to arrived at around 25 minutes and met tasya there
we went to pim like i don't even remember when was the last time i went to pim
we chatted, and i told her that i actually not really interested in bukber angkatan (im sorrrryyy guys not because i hate or dislike you, but i don't feel the motivation.. until now, at least.. i just want to see my closest friends.. #introvertalert)
went back home.. finishing up a lot of my responsibilities

too many things to worry, playing social media.. and i don't even have the time to read books. i know i have time, but i kept thinking "later". urgh.
(i like to type with "...." by the way)

after this; take a shower.. and tomorrow morning accompany ur grandma to the doctor


to the holiday, and beyond.. cheers! for more adventure ahead, please?
deb