went to the (online) psychologist yesterday, perhaps it was a sign of strength?

i may sound too whiny, since i know a lot of people seems to be having way more problems than i am. for example, they lost their job.. or they haven't found a new job yet. they have their own difficulties and most of the time i probably feel huge amount of guilt if i complain. however, i can't seem to manage my life or get my shit together. not in a huge disastrous ways, i still know my worth and so forth.. i just feel like i'm facing a war with myself. couldn't seem to get things done and i feel this constant lack of energy. if i do have an option to leave this world now i would gladly choose that. there are just too many stressors at the same time and these feel like a huge burden, which, i don't have the needed support nor resources to get through. maybe i do have some support, i don't know? everyone seems busy already and i don't want to bother them either

my psychologist (or therapist?) said that i judged my emotions. i thought i was not avoiding those emotions, i was right, but apparently i judged them? 

and i miss ishaq so much. i might invalidate my own feelings since i thought that maybe the other have more right to be sad.. well our relationship is personal to me. i miss how i could talk about the day or had one of the most high-quality conversation with him --he just listens, and responded at the right time. i miss doing a lot of things with your presence. you said that no one will feel loss if you're gone.. well, you're wrong

this might be a long process, but we'll see